It's Terrible

It's terrible
To settle down
Let the dust settle
On the books you'll never
It all makes great company
This terrible
Lover
Troubled
Cover to cover
Following you down
What's keeping you back
Is keeping you down
And I'm not walking back
I'm not calling Tuesday
I'm not waking up Sunday
Because I'm not going to bed
I'm not going to sleep
I'm not going to break
I'll hold the walls up
Because I know better
Than your bad decisions
Are keeping me down
Getting around
These bad decisions
With your name written on them
For years now
Who knew you could be so broken
For so long
At least I cared
I'm running scared
But at least I cared.

Catching Pennies

Write about the experiences
You had
And the love you have come to want
The bricks and mortar
That build your words
When you end it
Again
And Again
And again.
Like a some sorry cliche
Gum stuck to your shoe
Be rid of it
Be gone
You're a broken story
That spins it's wheels
A record on repeat
Repeat
Repeat
You can skip a heart
You can skip your heart beat
To know what you want
In the slightest
Jumping out of a cake
With a smile on your face.
You will not be reborn.
Just something solemn
Buried there where I told you a secret
A valuable memory
And you buried it there
Because it meant nothing.
It all seemed so quiet and calm.
Now it's just dark.
At the bottom of this well.
I'm catching pennies now.

Pray to a button

I touch my lips
And pray to a button.
On the shirt
Of a sleeve
On the floor.
I think to myself
What am i doing wrong
Looking up at a blackened skylight.
And dried up flowers.
Is this patent of sadness
Really all it's made out to be
And am I silly?
Am I unkind?
Am I the fortuitous legend
That always falls behind.
Embarrassed,
Morbid,
And lacking a memory
If when I connected.
I can't go back.
It's all different now
And I don't know where left
Turned right.
But it did.
I'm left without feeling value
I feel like I possess nothing.
But I am not unlike so many others
Who fall to the side
An empty vase,
A flag, a tea cup with a seed.
Then I remember who I am.
And then I know.

Each time is the last time.

Each time is the last time.
It's the last word, the last meaning
The last candle
Has burnt to the wick.
So this time
Was the next last time
And the city lights
We watch from the hills
You find me here
I am waiting there
For this one more last time
Sweeter than the last
Bitter and sweet
And the blood in between
Caring more.
Than one ought to
Than one should.
Than I have to assume
It's the last time
Each time.
To keep it sweet.
So I drag my toes
Along the bottom of the bed.
Painted red.
For the last time.

In between waiting lies a moment of hesitation and pursuit

Watched you drive away.
In my mind
Pulling away, going faster
In a blur.
You won't be back.
Or you can't know.
What I want to know.
I can't say I'm waiting
But I can't say I'm not
In between waiting
Lies a moment of hesitation
And pursuit.
Of being not good enough
Or too good.
Lying in the middle
Of the roads you travel down
Like a ghost
Of a future past
Falling ill
Failing sickness
Of all the people you are
The ones you pretend
And the truth you carry
With you.
I'm going to carry you with me.
Because you're going to carry me away.
One day.
It's happening, somewhere
In the middle.
I'm the road you travel down
The ghost
Of our future past.
Our passing future.
And it's over.

Everything goes better.

Everything goes better
When I'm alone.
The hurt carries a long way
Travels off into the distance
And brings back
A kill
Creative and kind
Bold and generous.
Tasting the air
Feeling the pavement
Rush by.
Several times
This has happened.
And it's about me.
I can't hold on.
I don't know how.
Tape fingers to metal
Metal to bone.
The long while
Is a shorter distance
Then imagined.
Through the vines of our veins
To the center of our bones.
Letting go now.
Piece by piece
Brittle bone by brittle bone.
To be alone.
Everything goes better.

Where you could never fall.

There are no clean goodbyes
So I'm making this one messy
I am painting it on the walls
The floor
The bed
Where you slept.
And watched me.
I wanted more
I couldn't quite catch your
Attention.
Or your
Direction.
I thought I was more
But turned out to be
Everything less.
So I don't let on
Moving fast
Moving farther
I did lie.
I did it twice.
And I won't do it again.
Until the next time
Anyway
All I can say is
I'm sticking around
Like a bad goodbye
I will paint your walls
Your ceiling
Until it's no goodbye at all.
I'm sorry I fell.
Where you could never fall.

I can guess your name

We stood by the city
And watched it fall
Building by build
You made the call
I wasn't good enough then
I'm not good enough
You wrapped your arms around me
And the city fell down
All we were
Was all we ever are
And I'm writing to you
I can't even call
I don't know who you are
I can guess at your name
You left blood on the window
But it's all the same.
Happy for once
But dead for awhile
Did you catch all these wishes
In your crooked smile?
I'll never know.

Folding

1, 2, 3, 4
I'm speaking french I'm wanting more
Here we go
Just sit tight
The wind will rise up
Assure you dont know anything
Or anyone
less than poetic
More than kinetic
Let it ride, let it mellow
I don't see you anymore
The dirt in the shadows
Let's goodbye some more.

Shoulder

Feathers fallen
On broken glass
Sweep the highway
Yellow lights flash
And rest your head
above my shoulder
I always wanted to feel like
I might grow older
In a field, there's a wound
and the scratches swell
I don't worry, couldn't worry
Because I always fell
So bright eyed
and weary
There's a dark in the night
Under stairwells, through queries
We'll be alright.

Body Glow

We replace each other
again and again.
To right whatever wrongs
We penned in our heads
And we fold the covers
Then watch them tear
As we pretend we love
We pretend we care
You stood there in the lights
As if your body could glow
You looked me in the eye
You know, you know, you know
For a second it all breaks
The world continues to make sense
Until your hallow fades
Then load off into the end.

Holding Time

Were you there in the woods
Rolling your ankle over rotten crab apples
Can you hear the water break
And the branches fall.
Were you watching as I slipped
my foot from rock to rock
And as a snake eased by,
The mouse walked away.
Getting bitten, being mauled
Laughing very softly
As to not tremble
Each moment to the next.
Holding time.

From the ashes of who cares

And when the curtain falls
There's dust on the stage
I'll lay my body down
I will forget my name
From the ashes of who cares
To the cinders of all i want
there lies a torch, a cage
of being the one to haunt.
It all.

Rushing through my words

Here comes the sun
And I'm fighting through this rage
The pavements passing faster
The grass is in a green rage
And I'm falling out of winds
I'm rushing through my words
And the things I want forgiven
Were just given to the birds
Count once, count twice,
Then let them all ride
I met the street car where the city
Just went ahead and died.

The Ghosts Through Broken Doors

When you get lonely
You read me like a book
We are the ghosts
Through broken doors
I walked through where we were
Only in my head
Was I ever worth more
Than what I was to you
Just dying in the night
On sidewalks and guillotines
Pretend I'm alright
I can count the words
I didn't want to say
I meant them in my head
The basement of my brain.

The Girl Caught Up In The Air

All the phrases I thought I'd remember
And opted not to write down.
Have turned into blurry lines
That crawl through my brain
So mindless, absorbent
I will never remember
Them again, like feelings lost
On some subway somewhere
You can lie to yourself
Long enough to justify
Who you are and what you
Wanted to be
The boy falling out of the tree
The girl caught up in the air
Amicably settling in the marrow
Of the earth
Of sound.

And laugh.

Barreling towards it all.

I will.

I will find you 

And you will find me

I will forget where you came from

Or who you were.

Because you are now. You are here.

I will do what I can 

To make you happy.

Because you make me happy 

And laugh.

I will pull the covers over 

When you are tired

Or you can crawl in.

Invariably. 

I will love you like my own, 

I will love you like I'm yours.

A Situation

Didn't need to be
A situation
Didn't have to see
Anything through
Didn't want to change
The lies you were hearing
Didn't want it to be
Untrue
Can't hold on
If you can let it win
Can't let go
If you can't give in
And the lights are fading
The road has gone cold
The lanes you are changing
Will be the indifference you stole

Give Up The Ghost

A vision in your sleep
To hold but not to keep
Safe from the eyes
Of starved lovers stares
With their eyes all black
Then blue.
Until it's finished
And I give up this ghost
Wait for this year to be over
And when we surely die
Our bodies glow
This will be me.

I Know You Know

Can't look away
Can't look forward
I know you know
What you say
I know you know
It's leaving in vain
Maybe tomorrow
A little rain will come
And wash what's left
Revive what's done
I know you know
How hard it is
I know you know
We try.