the ghost

We slept in different rooms
and the walls between us
keep us in two
It made me feel like a ghost
We keep it secret,
keep it safe
knowing that one day
the tiny thread that wove us together
would unravel
traveling in different directions
heading west
but you stay put
i did my best
you know should
goodbye one more time
don't say it, don't mean
goodbye one more time,
can't say it, can't mean
I am holding this crutch
It's the last thing you touched
Make it more, than I believe in
Make it more, that I've achieved in.
So we sleep in different rooms
But I'm a magnet to the wall
I'm the ghost that walks down the hall
and out your door
forever more.
The ghost in the other room.

No Idea Where You Are

Sit by the wayside.
Hoping for the best.
Do these cherry pink blossoms
Ever go to rest.
No idea if you think of me
No idea where you are
If 20 years from now
I will laugh at myself
For thinking of this at all.

If 20 years from now
We see it all clear
Will there be laughter,
The love the type that brings tears
I'll spin the records
You pour everyone else the wine
I'll put on my fake lashes
And we'll pretend to dine.

I'll break out the scissors
One sad laden night.
Cut off all my hair in the bathroom
Just to feel right.
A kiss on the forehead
A hand to the cheek
A kiss below the ear
In 20 years we'll be a cheat.

Call Me Out

Call me when you show up
To yourself
When you see yourself in the mirror
Not getting thinner
Not disappearing
Anymore.
Call me when it all works out
Tell me how great it is to live
Without all the things
You swore you never wanted
Was it so great not being flaunted
Call me when you get in
Let me know you're alive
Let me know it's all in
I won't feel stupid anymore
I've walked in and out
Through these moments and more.
So call me.
Call me out.

One Of These Days

One of these days
They'll come knocking on my door
And they'll crawl out from the floor
One of these days
I'm going to learn who I am
I'm going to find out
Who's the better man
One of these days.
The snow is breaking at my feet
I'm sinking into some old haggard street
I'm fixing my hair on the way
One of these days

Not getting up.

I walk on the pavement
Broken glass
Melted through the door
And I try to stay patient
But I'm not getting up
Off the floor
For anyone this time

A broken broom
And bent wires
I've tried my best
To twist all desire
Into lemonade

Eating sour apples
And wincing at lies
I've become the plateau for me
Plataeu in my life

I walk in broken boots
Heels crushing on the floor
The strings always stay tied
But I can't wear them anymore.

Truth or dare

I'm not sure where to stand
When the ground falls through
I start to ramble on
The way you do

I don't know how to say
The things I wanted to
In the first place
So I started with a lie

It's truth or dare
And I'm well aware
That I can't be fair

Cause nothing compares

This truth or dare
Will end this affair

Your bones
Keep on sticking out
I don't
Think we can work this out
I know
The best of me
Will never
Be able to compete with
Your bones
Your bones
Your bones.

Wrecked by morning

If life's an adventure
Then you're a wounded hero
And waiting to be triumphant
Lead me on, lead me on
Hallow speeches
In white places
Lead me on, lead me on
Light the candle
by the doorway
Buy a ticket
Overnight to Norway
Lead me on, lead me on
The friends of this year
Will be gone and
I'm holding
I'm holding strong
Lead me on, lead me on
Cause I'll be wrecked by morning

Hit and miss

In the middle of the night
When you're all alone
The bridges you kept
Wouldn't they feel better burned?
So much I don't understand
So, so much for that.
Do you sit still
With your cat under a lamp
Trying to fit words
Into feelings
And put feeling into words
I wish you had said something nice
As a reward
That it all wasn't some show
Some convenience of the heart
I couldn't throw fast enough
To get you to swing
A hit and a miss
A hit and a miss.
No one can play on your team
When you won't.
Play at all.

It's Terrible

It's terrible
To settle down
Let the dust settle
On the books you'll never
It all makes great company
This terrible
Lover
Troubled
Cover to cover
Following you down
What's keeping you back
Is keeping you down
And I'm not walking back
I'm not calling Tuesday
I'm not waking up Sunday
Because I'm not going to bed
I'm not going to sleep
I'm not going to break
I'll hold the walls up
Because I know better
Than your bad decisions
Are keeping me down
Getting around
These bad decisions
With your name written on them
For years now
Who knew you could be so broken
For so long
At least I cared
I'm running scared
But at least I cared.

Once again

I don't know what to say
When all the things we want to
Might end this all.
Pull the trigger
Find out
Russian roulette.
Let go or hang on
Makes no difference
Where the hell
We end up.
Together. I expect you.
As I always do
Waiting and wishing
And hoping
And leaving.
Once agai.

Sweet heart, falling apart.

When you're walking on the street
Does your heart skip a beat
Does your mind know what to do
Walking ten miles
Do you see me and dial
When you've drowned in a river
Floating up in the middle
Do you love anybody but you
Caught in the middle
Caught between you and you
Sweet heart, sweet heart
Falling apart
I can't hold on
Sweet heart, sweet heart
Falling apart
I'm gone.
When you caught in the middle
Do you know what to do
When I am caught in the middle
Between me and you.
I get up in the morning
Go to bed every night
I hope in the morning
I will feel something right.

Started with a lie

I'm not sure where to stand
When the ground falls through
And I start to ramble on
Like the way
You do.
I don't know how to say
The things I wanted to
In the first place
So I started with a lie.
I couldn't catch my breath
In the hurricane
When the walls folded in
And the cielinng began to cave
You were waiting there
When it all went down
And I tried to work out
But my hands were bound.
To you.

Until you smile

Not sure where to stand
When the ground falls through
And I ramble on
The way I do
Because I don't know how
TO stay the things
That I wanted to
In the first place
Started off with a lie
Couldn't get over that
Couldn't believe how long
And how much was said
And the truth it never came out
The truth was never true.
So paint over me
I'll blend into the wall
Until I'm forgotten
Back to the invisible girl
With sad stories
And big brown eyes
Making the saddest faces
Until you smile.

Housecoat

I sleep in a housecoat
I command the weather
From the thick of my veins
My blood is a rain drop
It takes power and time
And pain
To make this right
We ain't ever gonna make this right
We put up the fight
Fighting ghosts
Avoiding conversations
So I sleep in a housecoat
I command the weather
From the thick of my veins.

Catching Pennies

Write about the experiences
You had
And the love you have come to want
The bricks and mortar
That build your words
When you end it
Again
And Again
And again.
Like a some sorry cliche
Gum stuck to your shoe
Be rid of it
Be gone
You're a broken story
That spins it's wheels
A record on repeat
Repeat
Repeat
You can skip a heart
You can skip your heart beat
To know what you want
In the slightest
Jumping out of a cake
With a smile on your face.
You will not be reborn.
Just something solemn
Buried there where I told you a secret
A valuable memory
And you buried it there
Because it meant nothing.
It all seemed so quiet and calm.
Now it's just dark.
At the bottom of this well.
I'm catching pennies now.

In the park

Cigarette burning on a picnic blanket
Where did it all go
Like some sad rom com
Fated to meet a sad
Yet comical end
We are all intersecting wire
And your glass if half full
Shattered on the floor
Tireless
You are the triumphant
Architecture
That walls haunt the drunk
The devoured
The premiscious
And I am the golden arch
That fell
And was burrows
All those years ago.
Attacked by a brown pigeon
In the park
By an oak
On the day
We met again
For the first time

Pray to a button

I touch my lips
And pray to a button.
On the shirt
Of a sleeve
On the floor.
I think to myself
What am i doing wrong
Looking up at a blackened skylight.
And dried up flowers.
Is this patent of sadness
Really all it's made out to be
And am I silly?
Am I unkind?
Am I the fortuitous legend
That always falls behind.
Embarrassed,
Morbid,
And lacking a memory
If when I connected.
I can't go back.
It's all different now
And I don't know where left
Turned right.
But it did.
I'm left without feeling value
I feel like I possess nothing.
But I am not unlike so many others
Who fall to the side
An empty vase,
A flag, a tea cup with a seed.
Then I remember who I am.
And then I know.

Each time is the last time.

Each time is the last time.
It's the last word, the last meaning
The last candle
Has burnt to the wick.
So this time
Was the next last time
And the city lights
We watch from the hills
You find me here
I am waiting there
For this one more last time
Sweeter than the last
Bitter and sweet
And the blood in between
Caring more.
Than one ought to
Than one should.
Than I have to assume
It's the last time
Each time.
To keep it sweet.
So I drag my toes
Along the bottom of the bed.
Painted red.
For the last time.

In between waiting lies a moment of hesitation and pursuit

Watched you drive away.
In my mind
Pulling away, going faster
In a blur.
You won't be back.
Or you can't know.
What I want to know.
I can't say I'm waiting
But I can't say I'm not
In between waiting
Lies a moment of hesitation
And pursuit.
Of being not good enough
Or too good.
Lying in the middle
Of the roads you travel down
Like a ghost
Of a future past
Falling ill
Failing sickness
Of all the people you are
The ones you pretend
And the truth you carry
With you.
I'm going to carry you with me.
Because you're going to carry me away.
One day.
It's happening, somewhere
In the middle.
I'm the road you travel down
The ghost
Of our future past.
Our passing future.
And it's over.