Pray to a button

I touch my lips
And pray to a button.
On the shirt
Of a sleeve
On the floor.
I think to myself
What am i doing wrong
Looking up at a blackened skylight.
And dried up flowers.
Is this patent of sadness
Really all it's made out to be
And am I silly?
Am I unkind?
Am I the fortuitous legend
That always falls behind.
Embarrassed,
Morbid,
And lacking a memory
If when I connected.
I can't go back.
It's all different now
And I don't know where left
Turned right.
But it did.
I'm left without feeling value
I feel like I possess nothing.
But I am not unlike so many others
Who fall to the side
An empty vase,
A flag, a tea cup with a seed.
Then I remember who I am.
And then I know.

Each time is the last time.

Each time is the last time.
It's the last word, the last meaning
The last candle
Has burnt to the wick.
So this time
Was the next last time
And the city lights
We watch from the hills
You find me here
I am waiting there
For this one more last time
Sweeter than the last
Bitter and sweet
And the blood in between
Caring more.
Than one ought to
Than one should.
Than I have to assume
It's the last time
Each time.
To keep it sweet.
So I drag my toes
Along the bottom of the bed.
Painted red.
For the last time.

In between waiting lies a moment of hesitation and pursuit

Watched you drive away.
In my mind
Pulling away, going faster
In a blur.
You won't be back.
Or you can't know.
What I want to know.
I can't say I'm waiting
But I can't say I'm not
In between waiting
Lies a moment of hesitation
And pursuit.
Of being not good enough
Or too good.
Lying in the middle
Of the roads you travel down
Like a ghost
Of a future past
Falling ill
Failing sickness
Of all the people you are
The ones you pretend
And the truth you carry
With you.
I'm going to carry you with me.
Because you're going to carry me away.
One day.
It's happening, somewhere
In the middle.
I'm the road you travel down
The ghost
Of our future past.
Our passing future.
And it's over.

Everything goes better.

Everything goes better
When I'm alone.
The hurt carries a long way
Travels off into the distance
And brings back
A kill
Creative and kind
Bold and generous.
Tasting the air
Feeling the pavement
Rush by.
Several times
This has happened.
And it's about me.
I can't hold on.
I don't know how.
Tape fingers to metal
Metal to bone.
The long while
Is a shorter distance
Then imagined.
Through the vines of our veins
To the center of our bones.
Letting go now.
Piece by piece
Brittle bone by brittle bone.
To be alone.
Everything goes better.

Where you could never fall.

There are no clean goodbyes
So I'm making this one messy
I am painting it on the walls
The floor
The bed
Where you slept.
And watched me.
I wanted more
I couldn't quite catch your
Attention.
Or your
Direction.
I thought I was more
But turned out to be
Everything less.
So I don't let on
Moving fast
Moving farther
I did lie.
I did it twice.
And I won't do it again.
Until the next time
Anyway
All I can say is
I'm sticking around
Like a bad goodbye
I will paint your walls
Your ceiling
Until it's no goodbye at all.
I'm sorry I fell.
Where you could never fall.